GIYANG

and so my heart is dyng for longing.thrsty for the wine that dancd wid us.i stl cnt axept that a dream is jst that.trying to shut my eyes.chasing for the same dream. Hurting.u dnt knw wat uv dne. I bathe myself in a tub of ice. Tryng to hide in d shadow of day.i jst pray that ur nt sayng “ha ha ha”. Lookng at d face in d miror. Sdnly i am lost. Why am i here…where am i?*deep sigh*it jst duznt make any sense…so f*ckn mis u.

surreal.

let me tell you about a dream i had last night…

 

a girl, in her mid 30’s wearing a white skirt, and a white spaghetti strap sando…walking the desert on a breezy afternoon…it was , i guess, 5pm then…she was running and then brisking…and then walking…she was looking or something…or someone…she had wavy long balck hair, she’s skinny, and tall with very fair skin…she seems lost…

and then she saw the tree…it seems like that is the place where she will find it..she ran…and touched the trunk of the tree…it feels very familiar…she walked in circles…and found a  very familiar note carved on the branch…until then…it was the last place…and the last kiss they shared..

and why is it as if she’s waiting…she looked up…and the stars are starting to give a hint…she knew she ’s waiting for dead stars…

and just when she was about to leave…he came…with his touch unchanged, and his eyes with twice the fire as she looks at her…the smell of his breath soared her spirits…and the warmth of his wings melted the ice on her heart…the moon bloomed and they danced endlessly to the music of the wind…

and just when dawn is about to come…the perfume of parting started to smell…and they both looked at the note on the tree…until then

 

and then i woke up.

 

 

Maraming tanong

Kabog.
Ang puso’y sumasabog.
Puyat.
3 linggong nakamulat.
Takot.
Wag kang magbabalot.
Multo.
Mga imbensyon ko.

Limot.
Pagpapanggap pagpapaikot.
Maskara.
Upang ako’y makahinga.
Ligaya.
Isang pansamantala.
Hiram.
Mamaya’y magpapaalam.

Salamat.
Di pa inuugat. Ang
Puso.
Muling magdurugo.

Sandali.
Wag magmamadali. Sa
Sandali.
Ayokong magkamali.

Pinto.
Kandado.
Katok.
Papasok?
Kabado.
Sarado?
Ayoko.

The fat button

<another one from my n92>

i was in bataan ovr the wkend and i dscverd 1 button abt myself.THE FAT BUTTON. It hurts so mch,i cry. So let me once and for all tell u what i feel insyd.
1.whenvr u say “tumataba ka.”its as if no mater wat i had dne ryt as a leadr crumbles apart and is being reducd to “wel if u thnk ur gna make it suxesfuly,thnk again.bkt, may exec dir. b na mataba???”
so dnt dare say to me, tmataba ako coz u dnt knw wat it means to me.
2.”wow legs”pertaining to my arm.-too bad im a predecesor of a lyn of hippo armd clan.u knw, wenevr that is being cald out, i say to myself…why dnt u jst get a knife and chop my fat off??
3.i hate myself for being fat.
4.i hate it coz i cnt discipline myself.
5.so sick of my diet pils
6.and my endles strugle to starve myself.
7.so sick of this flab hanging ovr my pants.
8.i so hate it. I cry.and cry.

so if u rili want to greet me wid “hi chari, ang taba m ngyn ah!”be very very creful. Coz u dnt knw wat buton u r pushng.

Believe u me, i already knw that i nid to lose 20 freakin pounds! So unles u knw hw to help me, SHUT UP!

I thnk iv stared 2 mch on d dstd photo.

>written in my n92<
“hello”
the echo frm a dstant smwhere choked me.
Its resounding through my chest down my spine.
Im tired of lying to myself.
Im cnsumd.and it cn be temporary,wc shud be. Bt i wil indulge myself wo havng to lose my sanity.
And i cn be inventing stories in my head.i enjoy nonetheles.
Ths reminds me that im alive.
I cn feel and love. Hurt and get hurt.happy.happy.

tom il enjy the sun. Let me nt stare too mch on ths dustd photo.

dusted photos

it has been 5 long years
funny…i was just uttering your name
not knowing that is the exact time you messaged me
funny…it no longer feels the same.
surprise surprise! out of nowhere…
indeed life has a way of fooling with me
an echo from a distant somewhere..
and then you came..

dude: so how have you been?
dudette: same old same old i guess…plus 5 lbs…and you?
dude: same old same old…plus 5 years…

and when i lay my eyes on you..i will know
will i remember?
i don’t want to think so.
it has been 5 long years.
and our story became a story.
with a beginning, and an end.