FINALLY GOT MY STARBUX PLANNER FROM STARBUX AT TRINOMA!!!
All the more reason to journal 2008 for me.
More celebrations to document
More laughter and tears to account for!!!
So excited to fill out the pages on the days and weeks, and months to come! 
Hope you will be there to drift with me.
then all of a sudden,
the blacks and the whites
became gray.
and all of a sudden,
what seems to be so absolute
and definite
became, seemingly unsure of itself.
suddenly i feel like someone is laughing
behind me on the craziness that is happening around me.
and i endow myself in this laughter.
riding freely in this coaster of life.
is it the spirit of wine that i dance more often now than before?
is it the unrealized thirst that broke me from this desert?
so unsure of my sanity.
endless, spinning vanity.
confused of reality.
craziness, suddenly.
and so you sighed and whispered in my ear….hey, how are you…i said, just the same…and then we were drowned by the music and the pretentious chatter of friends…i can see you were looking at me on my peripheral…i thought i wouldn’t look back…i ask myself why do we have to wear these masks…i just want for the world to stop and hold your hand…you are a brother, my good soldier, and friend…please mute the shouting voices in my head…awaken me in this fantasy…
i can still taste the sweet red wine you left in my mouth
and smell your perfume on my sheets.
i can still feel your partly shaved face on my cheeks.
i never thought that morning would come
and that i will have to remember.
it’s funny coz i really didn’t believe in forever.
though we try to pretend that things are back to normal
we both know that it will never be the same.
sipping my coffee i looked out the window,
humming the song that we danced,
i will forever be sober in blue moon.
o my gosh, simbang gabi na tomorrow..so excited for the fresh cool breeze of 4am..with my husband and my son, walking the streets of lagro nja may hawak na 2 maliit na upuan…nothing compares to the very very few memories of me and my parents together and our simbang gabi’s…it’s timeless….i am so excited to go to church tomorrow…tapos puto bungbong, tapos bibingka..tapos makakakita ng choirmates at makikikanta sa carol of the bells…ang saya talaga ng pasko…and it gets better every year…advance happy birthday, kuya jess….
kamusta na, ayos paba?
minsan sa may kalayaan taio nagkasama may mga sariling gimik…and the song goes on…
your weeding was a blast…you were cute and beautiful at the same time..
i cannot feel anything but happiness for you…
i always remember our cynical chatter on life, and music, and rock and roll
our endless chasing adventures to rivermaya and eraserheads, and parokya, and the list goes on..
i just can’t help it but realize, i sought you through…though i missed a lot of things after high school…you remained in me
you will forever be my buloy…as i am your morlock..
after your wedding, i went to our xmas party…where bamboo played…i just missed you all the more…now that we are all grown up and we can’t just dance in the mosh pitt..now that we are all grown up..and time is mostly spent on more serious things…i just miss having fun, being careless, and hanging out with you watching empire records….i didn’t realize how much i miss those days…until now…
and so 214 played…and the smell of our brand new adidas lingered in my memory…the world could die…and everything may llie..still you shan’t cry…coz time may have passed…….i’ll be by your side…forever by your side..
boy: kamusta ka
girl: ok naman
boy: namiss kita ah
girl: tlaga lang ah!
boy: kamusta na kaio?
girl: ok naman…happy
boy: good..for you…and him (sabay buntong hininga)
girl: bakit?
boy: wala naman..
girl: ikaw?…kayo? kamusta?
boy: uhm…ganun parin
girl: like…?
boy: ganun parin, di ok
girl: after 12 months, ganun parin? how come?
boy: eh ganun e..
girl: you know that you have options, right?
boy: i’m actually deluded already…di ko na alam ang concept ng personal happiness e…happiness for other people nalang ang alam ko…
girl: how sad…but then again, you cannot blame other people for your own faults right?
boy: so you think my good will is my own fault?
girl: that is the most pathetic thing i have ever heard! loving for the sake of goodwill (smirks)
boy: oo nga e..siguro i confine myself in this comfortable space of sadness and numb myself with empathy…e ganun e
girl: you know, as it turns out, valedictorians are not as smart as they turn out to become…
boy: alam mo naman ang sertipiko ng pag-aaral ay isang pirasong papel lang diba?
girl: i dunno…all i know is, we always have choices…good or bad, happy or sad…depende saio yun..kaya ka nga may guhit sa palad mo..mapa yan na binigay ng diyos para sabihin saio na may pagpipilian ka..kaliwa o kanan, deretso o liko..
boy: oo na…
girl: so ganun nalang? you’ll just be content in that sad pathetic state that you are in?
boy: siguro…ewan ko..bahala na…
girl: ok…
boy: ok…pero alam mo…
girl: ano?
boy: sometimes i can’t help myself thinking ano kaya kung taio….
girl: please don’t go there…
boy: alam ko..he’s so lucky…
girl: i am too….
